Lady Whistleblower Dearest Gentle Reader,
Come and gather round the fire while I relate to you this strangest of tales. Alas, that there are no ghosts to bring holiday redemption or hearts bursting into joyfulness and expanding with love (time three no less!), but sometimes true tales do not sport such happy endings.
Our tale begins one day in the late autumn in a small village called Stewarttown. Now this town had a mayor named Burgerspinster Spinsterburger. Even though he actually held the title of mayor, he was essentially its dictator. And Burgerspinster Spinsterburger’s tiny shriveled heart held a secret. Inside his heart was a small seed of evil, and the root of that evil was the joy that came from preventing anyone from having any fun – especially children. So it was no wonder that Spinsterburger was a grouchy, angry man, but the people were many, and he was but one, and so he kept his hatred of other people’s fun to himself.
Over time, the small seed of evil grew ever so slightly larger with each act of fun that he destroyed, for each time he could keep someone from fun, be it big or be it small, the evil seed in his heart took an ever greater hold upon him. In time, the seed grew ever larger and Burgerspinster Spinsterburger had to commit greater and greater acts of fun killing to get those same feelings that he used to get, thus it became harder and harder to hide those acts – but that in itself became more fuel for the evil seed to grow.
Finally, on that fateful day in late autumn, Stewarttown was buzzing with excitement – for joyful tidings were to be had. The middle level children were going to go on a trip to reward all of the children who had been well-behaved so far. And the small children were going to travel to the city to see an athletic contest in a huge festival of fun. And the wee children were going to see a Santa train!
Upon hearing about all of the fun being planned, Burgerspinster Spinsterburger issued his declaration to all of the teachers in the school that there was to be NO FUN. No trips for rewarding good behavior as promised. No trip to the city to see the athletic contest. And no trip for the wee ones either.
And HOW did Spinsterburger justify his proclamation? Why by simply telling the students that they needed to be studying. Studying, studying, and more studying. Children needed studying uninterrupted by fun, for the grand exams were to be taken next spring – and so until then – NO. FUN.
Spinsterburger’s heart grew glad and his head was giddy with delight at the promise of so much misery. But Spinsterburger harbored an even greater secret within – and that was if his town’s children scored better on the test, HE, Spinsterburger would receive a 5000 piece gold reward! So not only did he feed his evil seed with the children’s misery, he hoped to be enriched upon their backs as well.
But luckily for our children, Burgerspinster Spinsterburger’s joy was short-lived. For once the adults and teachers of the town found out about his plan, they marched to his castle bearing pitchforks and torches, protesting this inhuman treatment of the children. In fear of his life and his title, Burgerspinster Spinsterburger was forced to allow the children their fun.
Alas, as was foretold in the beginning, this story does not end in the redemption for old Burgerspinster Spinsterburger. In fact, in his rage and anger at the end, he tried to burn down the town in order to drive out those who would not bow to his will. But the people resisted and he was driven from his place of power and his ultimate ending no one knew – or cared.
And here is the end of our tale about the Burgerspinster. May this serve as a reminder and a warning that those who feed evil in the heart will come to no good end.
And now, let all good people join together to wish one another happy holidays – with love and kindness for all.
May your holidays and all of the new year be filled with fun.
