Lady Whistleblower 10) Will up his daily fitness routine to include bench pressing THREE third graders at a time. (He hopes to up his game to three fifth graders by the end of the year.)
9) Will start communicating by smoke signals in order to circumvent state records requests
8) Will rename the new consolidated campus the Spinster-Void Programming Center
7) Wants to include a wider variety of coffee bean roasts, because that would prove his dedication to diversity.
6) Institute new policy that all teachers must live on campus so that they will stay in the proper submissive mindset. Rent will be collected via payroll deduction.
5) Daily coat body in wax to prevent fluid loss
4) Promise to meet or exceed all of the Queen’s desires
3) Replace solar panels with exercise bikes hooked up to an electrical grid. Students will be required to provide power to the school – AND get in shape! (Note: students’ grades will be determined by the amount of electricity they produce.) Also, this would eliminate the need for recess, so students can study more for the big spring tests. WIN-WIN-WIN!
2) Find a way to be allowed to post selfies on the Kingdom’s socials, because posting signed notes just isn’t enough! – ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED!
And the number one resolution for the King in the coming year is….
1) Find another job far away from here!
