Lady Whistleblower Dearest Gentle Reader,
With the recent inundation of heavy rains and multiple problems with flooded roads, the Lord High Admiral , Mat Stoolr, has been looking into transportation alternatives.
“We looked into the whole range of vehicles from pontoon boats, hovercraft and amphibious vehicles. Unfortunately, the cost was way out of our league,” said Stoolr. ”So we thought about going low tech, and figured the best option for us would be canal boats. “
According to Stoolr, with the Federal Creek and Hocking River creating a water “superhighway” through the district already, it wouldn’t be that difficult to dig out extra canals to make the system more efficient. Students who misbehave will be assigned “digging time” as a substitute for more traditional punishments. This free labor pool is expected to allow the district to create many specialized routes in the years to come.
An extra bonus is that the mules that would pull the barges through the canal system are virtually immune to fluctuating fuel prices. Extra revenue can be created by selling mule poo gathered along the canals, and when the mules just can’t make the grade, well, everyone’s gonna love Burro Burger Thursdays.
While it may take longer to get to or from school, particularly on the upstream routes, the canal plan has a lot to offer.
“The way we see it, we’re going backward to go forward,” replied the Lord High Admiral.
And this, dear reader, definitely seems to be the ongoing theme of our Kingdom…
Sincerely,
Lady Whistleblower
